


The Embers (00:00)

by coldcreation



Series: Let Me Try [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alpha Kit - Freeform, Alpha Liam, Alpha/Alpha, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, C-PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fireworks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M, New Year's Eve, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Not too heavy, Omega Isac - Freeform, Omega Verse, Omega nathan, Omega/Omega, Original Character(s), Pack, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Psychology, Snippets, Sweet, deep thoughts, soft, soft vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldcreation/pseuds/coldcreation
Summary: Sometimes healing doesn't look the way you'd want it to. And that's okay.Or, Nathan just wants to enjoy the New Year's Eve with his pack.-A tiny hopeful snippet for you. Happy, happier, 2021!<3
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character/Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Let Me Try [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1425580
Comments: 23
Kudos: 174





	The Embers (00:00)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey!
> 
> Here I am, writing this note just a little after 2021 arrived. I wasn't planning on posting anything tonight but I had no other plans either, so here we are. :') 
> 
> Until tonight, this was an old lil draft from the end of 2019. I originally wrote it to be a part of Close Your Eyes, but it never really fit right there. I wrapped it up, smoothed the edges, and here we go: another one-shot snippet! (I haven't read it through so excuse any typos or dumb sentences, I'll come back to fix things some other time.) The topic and the themes are not necessarily about the New Year, but I figured it was still fitting for tonight as its set on a New Year's Eve. 
> 
> I hope you're all safe and warm and cosy, where ever you are!
> 
> -
> 
> This is original work. Please respect that, and do not touch the characters or the story in any way/post elsewhere without permission. Thank you.

“Come _on!_ We’re going to miss it!” Isac whined, bouncing from foot to foot on the sidewalk. Somehow he had avoided slipping on the icy street as he led the way towards their destination, walking backwards and worrying about the quickly approaching midnight.

Nathan watched Liam haul Isac away from the frozen puddle he’d been about to step into, and then tucked his hands deeper into his pockets as Isac finally twirled to face the right way.

“It’s almost midnight! We’re gonna miss -”

“We’re not gonna miss it,” Kit grumbled into the borg lapels of his winter coat. His nose was pink from the cold air and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but out in the freezing night. “And even if we were a bit late, we can still see just fine from here.”

“It’s not the same!” Isac complained. The pom pom on his beanie nodded in agreement. “It’s so not the same. Right, Nathan?”

Isac paused for the two steps it took Nathan to catch up with him, and then squirmed until he was hugging Nathan’s arm against his chest.

“Not the same,” Nathan agreed dutifully, grinning a little from behind his scarf when he made eye contact with Kit. 

Kit rolled his eyes, his huff curling into the air as a hazy cloud. 

It didn’t take them much longer to reach the park, the amount of people growing with each step they took towards the wide grass field in the middle.

The air already smelled of fire and burning ashes, the world becoming hazy with smoke and the excited screams that rose from the crowds. Endless trucks and stands stood along the walkways, queues twisting in between the carnival rides, spilling over onto the frozen field opening in front of them.

Music was blasting from the speakers, from the rides, from the trucks, from the mouths of the people pressing against the four of them. 

Nathan could hear the scattered sounds of fireworks hissing and popping every now and then, somewhere in the distance. They weren’t close enough to make him jump, but they were there... close enough. And... Nathan was heading right towards where there would be _more of that._

He kept looking around, cautiously. His nerves were flaring, but he was insistent on pushing them down. 

This one night. This _year._

Please.

Even if it was just this once. This time, he would be able to handle it. He had to be.

Nathan almost felt like he needed it, after everything that had happened in the past twelve months. He needed to see that things had improved. That _he_ had improved.

Nathan bit his teeth together, trying to force his shoulders down when a group of teenagers ran past them, screeching loudly over the harsh melody of the pop song playing in the night. Someone bumped against his back, the person already disappearing into the mass of people by the time their apology landed in Nathan’s ears. 

The air felt too cold in his lungs when Nathan pulled it in. He would be able to handle this. Just…

Keep breathing.

Nathan kept his eyes on the pom pom of Isac’s beanie, and he kept on walking, the frozen grass feeling strange as it gave under his boots. 

It was fine.

It would be okay.

He wouldn't ruin this. Not this time.

He would not -

And then a short series of _booms_ echoed from somewhere near the buildings fencing the park, close enough for Nathan to feel the sounds in his chest like invisible bullets.

The sky glittered, blooming like a flower - _red, yellow, white..._ hissing, crackling - and then, slowly fading, there was only smoke.

It was gorgeous.

So gorgeous.

And yet, Nathan’s hands were trembling.

So was his heart. Violently.

“Liam…” Nathan said, too weakly, trying to keep the uncomfortable feeling from showing in his voice. 

Everything was so loud though, chaos rippling all around them. The fact that Liam somehow still heard him felt like a miracle.

Tugging his beanie and scarf better over his red ears, Liam turned towards Nathan. He had a soft look in his questioning eyes, and Nathan instinctually leaned into him when he was close enough. “Yeah?”

“I don’t… I’m...” Nathan tried to say, eyes skittering over the ever growing crowd around them. His brain was going blank, suddenly making him unsure of what he was even trying to say. Because… What _was_ he trying to say? “I- I’m not sure if… Um.”

He really should’ve thought of the high possibility of this happening _before_ they got to the park. It wasn’t like it was anything new. Just because he didn’t want it to happen, didn’t mean it wouldn’t. 

Why hadn’t he just… accepted that it’d happen again, just like it had in the past? Maybe he could’ve said something? Just to prepare for the possibility that he was going to freak out over something stupid like... loud noises. _Fireworks._ Crowds. Too many sensory sensations at once.

He probably _should_ have said something. 

But when? How, without making it into a big deal?

Right before they had headed out, a bit before midnight? Just throw it out there, like an easy afterthought? 

But when it had been time to go, Nathan had been more focused on rushedly layering the crap out of his winter clothes, while Isac had stood impatiently by the front door, pouting at the clock. 

There hadn’t been time… 

What was there to say, anyway? Anything he could think of would just have made the others suggest not going. 

Nathan didn’t want that. 

He never wanted to be the reason that stopped the others from doing what they wanted to do. And not only that, but also he refused to miss out on experiencing things just because his stupid body wanted to freak out. 

Nathan wanted to enjoy this. He _needed_ to.

He wanted to admire the colours and the music and the atmosphere. Why was he not allowed that? Even after everything he had done to better manage his… 

Well. His everything? All of him? Just… Himself?

Nathan wanted to enjoy this, fucking damnit. 

“What?” Liam called over the music, brows pressing together into a soft frown as he struggled to hear. He leaned down, closer, and Nathan felt him wrap an arm around his waist. And… Nathan could see the moment Liam caught the anxious strain Nathan held within his body. “Alright? What is it?”

Yeah… 

What was it?

Nathan kind of just blinked at Liam, words disappearing from his mouth. What was he supposed to say? How was he going to make it make sense? 

Because it didn’t make sense.

_‘Oh, right. This whole thing with the loud music and the fireworks and the yelling people? Yeah. So, my body is about two seconds away from freaking out, but I feel fine, really! I don’t think I’m scared or anything, but my body is reacting like something dangerous is happening. No, I don’t want to leave, I want to watch the show. Yes, I’m probably going to cry. No, I don’t feel bad or sad. I mean, I do, but not in my head? Yes, I’m aware that I am a complete mess of a malfunctioning human being. I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me, I’m not trying to ruin the evening -’_

Like? None of it would sound… Sane? Understandable? 

Liam’s mitten covered hand was rubbing up and down Nathan’s side, comforting and heavy through his coat and layers. Nathan could pick up on the purposefully growing, calming scent of Liam’s, and with a swallow Nathan leaned his head on the alpha’s shoulder. 

“Is it the music? Is it too loud?” Liam asked, tucking Nathan closer to his side. He sounded so concerned, head tilting low as he tried to peek at Nathan’s face. His hair was coiling against his temples, frizzy where the beanie and the cold air had rubbed over the pale strands. 

Fuck… 

Just _one_ night. 

Nathan wanted just one nice, stress-free, special night, where no one else had to worry about him. Just one.

Please. 

Even when he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, Nathan could still see the neon lights from the stands and the rides. The music was trembling through his body. The people screaming, laughing, singing… It was supposed to be exciting. 

_Good_ exciting. Fun. 

But this wasn’t good.

Nathan was starting to realise that his body wasn’t able to distinguish the excited anticipation he was feeling from a real threat. They felt too similar to each other for his system, and the strong feelings were misfiring his fight or flight reaction. 

His body wasn’t taking any risks. This felt familiar, so this meant danger; this meant _be quiet and get out!_

Nathan shook his head, feeling stupid but… he couldn’t really help it. He knew where the feeling building in his chest was heading.

Nathan swallowed, feeling stuck between worrying about ruining everything, and telling the others that he was struggling. He worried, despite how this was a discussion they'd had many, many times by now. 

Yet it was always as difficult. Nathan didn’t want to _need..._ help. Not for something like this. Not for something that he should’ve been able to do and deal with on his own. 

How come all these other people were fine? 

Why couldn’t he handle it?

This was supposed to be fun! 

The best night of the year.

Was there even anything anyone could do to help? 

Surely Nathan would’ve already figured out whatever it was that could help, if something like that existed. 

Also, what if one of them would get annoyed? 

What if all of them would get annoyed?

Or, if not annoyed, then at least frustrated. 

What if this was finally when they’d say 'enough is enough'?

Or what if they’d feel bad?

They would. 

They’d want to leave.

What if they’d want to go without him? 

Stay without him?

Maybe they should. 

Maybe they’d be better off -

“Nathan,” Kit’s voice cut through the hectically spiralling doom of his thoughts, causing Nathan to inhale another harsh lungful of freezing air. “Words, please. What’s going on, love?” 

Nathan lifted his head from Liam’s shoulder and jerkily met Kit’s gaze, the alpha having crowded close, now standing in front of them. Isac was peering over Kit’s shoulder, round eyes wide and the neon lights tinting them with a strange teal colour. 

Nathan’s scent must’ve gone really sour if it had alerted them so quickly in a busy outdoor place like this. Great. Just great.

What’s going on?

What is going on?

What…

Words, please.

_Please._

“The music? And, and the fireworks are going to...” Nathan stuttered, suddenly unsure whether the focused attention on him was helping or making things worse. “Um. Well. Like, all of this? ‘S… Loud? I don’t- um. Yeah.”

Isac pushed his way under Kit’s arm, gloved hands coming up to press against Nathan’s chest. “Should we go? Would that help?” Nathan was already shaking his head, heart squeezing tensely under Isac’s palms, because he had _known_ this was what they’d say. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to mention anything. Exactly why he hadn’t wanted this to happen. “Hey, Nat, no. It’s okay. We can definitely go, we can see from -”

“No, I- I want to be- here,” Nathan cut in, jolting as the beat dropped. Bass boomed, and then large numbers suddenly appeared on the massive screens around the field. _Oh god._

“Nathan...” Isac frowned, his sweet pouty lips pulling down at the corners. 

“Please?” Nathan said quickly, very much aware of the countdown and the rising noise level from the crowd around them. His throat felt strained as he tried to speak up. “I’ll be fine. I promise. I just want to watch- be… Um. Here? With you.”

Isac didn’t look too convinced, and Kit had a deep wrinkle in between his dark brows. Liam hadn’t loosened his protective hold on Nathan, not even for a second.

Without thinking about it too much, Nathan dipped his chin low and pressed his cold lips against Isac’s. A short, gentle press, just long enough to hopefully convince the omega. 

_He wanted to be there._

There was chaos all around them. A world full of noise and movement, the anticipative energy preparing for more noise, for more colour, for more scents, for more overwhelm…

Yet Nathan was cocooned in this small bubble they had created, just for them.

8…

7…

6...

Nathan was still used to navigating things like this alone. His first instinct was to just bear it, to hide it and suck it up. Alone. 

Because that’s what he had learned to expect. 

He had almost always been alone with anything that caused him trouble. Anything that was scary. Reaching out had usually just made things worse; scarier, louder…

But... 

Why had he ever thought that it’d be all fine, now that he _wasn’t_ dealing with this alone? Why had he thought, hoped, that his anxiety and issues with things like this would… go away? Vanish? 

5…

4…

3...

Suddenly, the realisation hit Nathan. Quite harshly, too, but perhaps it was just harshly enough that it felt almost cathartic. 

Because... nothing could save him from his past scars. 

They’d always be there. On various stages of healing, but there nonetheless. No magic would take away the things that had shaped him to be like this, good or bad. That’s not how life worked.

For a short second, Nathan felt upset at the thought, anxiety starting to curl tighter and tighter around his chest and shoulders. The gasp of _‘Oh, god, it’s always going to be like this, isn’t it? It’s like nothing’s changed,’_ rang frantic in his mind.

Except…

2…

1...

Nathan blinked, his whole body jerking sharply as the world seemed to shake with the first major _boom._ His lashes fluttered as he squinted against the flashing lights exploding in the sky.

There was a hand holding his, Kit’s touch secure and _there._ Liam’s arm was wrapped around his back and waist, making him feel sheltered and hidden in the hordes of people all around them. Isac was pressed right against him, his chest solid against Nathan’s stuttering breaths. His cold nose nuzzled against the underside of Nathan's jaw, before Isac tilted his head back to peer up at the sky, too.

Nathan wasn’t alone.

He wasn’t, and none of it stopped Nathan’s body from trembling, from jerking with each _boom_ and crackle and the too heavy bass of the music. But it was then when he realised... 

Things _had_ changed. 

Things had changed so damn much, and it had all been in less than a year. 

The same exact night, in the same exact park, exactly a year ago... Nathan had reacted exactly like this. 

But this time, he also felt safe. So safe, even as his body shook with confusing past fears. 

He wasn’t alone, and unlike the previous years, he wasn’t forcing himself to be there just to feel _normal._ He genuinely wanted to be there, to enjoy it. He wanted to be there, be present, with these specific people. People who made him feel like he belonged, more and more every day.

Nathan felt like it would be okay, this time. Even if his body trembled and protested and screamed at him. Somehow it felt like he finally had a safe space to feel whatever he was feeling, and that space would still be there for him once the turmoil was over. 

It would be okay.

 _He_ would be okay.

Just like exactly a year ago, Nathan’s eyes watered. The tears quickly spilled over as the sounds of explosions attacked his body. The lights and bursts of colour in the sky blurred with the moisture clouding his vision. 

Liam’s fingers were gentle against Nathan’s skin when the alpha wiped at the evidence of overwhelm trailing down his cheek. Kit’s mouth was warm when he leaned to kiss the opposite cheek just a moment later.

“Happy New Year,” Isac called out, barely audible under the wall of noise. He paused to let Kit wrap his free arm over his shoulders, before nosing his way right back under Nathan’s jaw. The sound of his comforting purr was buried under all the excitement, but Nathan felt it vibrate as strongly as ever against his heart. 

Familiar, already. Just like the mixed scents of them. 

Blinking tears from his lashes, Nathan found a wobbly, genuine smile clinging to the corners of his mouth. The fireworks echoed in his chest, burning.

_We will be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> We will be okay. 
> 
> Take care, and let's have a better 2021!<3
> 
> -
> 
> https://coldercreation.tumblr.com/


End file.
